Our Progression
by VannHazel
Summary: SEQUEL TO MY TRUST ISSUES. JD learns a little bit about diversity, and Perry learns that dealing with sick people everyday at Sacred Heart isn't the same as dealing with it in real life. Angst, non-graphic slash.
1. Back To Reality

He sleeps like there isn't a worry in the world. His face is melted into a mixture of peace and abandon and it... it almost looks like happiness.

It baffles me that Newbie can still be happy, despite everything he's been through.

JD just walks around with a big, goofy smile on his face and vomits joy all over my misery.

I'm almost always miserable. And if I do happen to have a moment of happiness, I seldom express it.

Yet Newbie smiles when he wakes up in the morning, when he goes to work, and even when he is taking his pills.

If anybody mentions the HIV, JD shrugs and keeps on smiling.

If he hears about an attack, or a rape, or a mugging, he closes his eyes for a second, and then keeps on smiling.

It's his defense mechanism.

I don't really blame him for it. If I were in Newbie's shoes, I would sure as Hell do whatever it took not to put a gun up to my head and just end it.

The kid is strong.

--

He doesn't realize that I see him. My eyes are open to tiny slits and I can see him staring at me.

I'm snuggled really close into his arm, but I don't think Perry minds.

He just keeps staring at me, completely oblivious to the fact that I know what he is doing.

I kind of like that he watches over me. Being in his arms, I know that I'm safe.

I complain about his over-protectiveness sometimes, just because it makes me feel like a girl. Secretly, I love it.

With him, I don't have to think about how everything is so messed up.

--

"Newbie, up." Perry nudged JD as he swung his legs over the side of the bed. Today would prove to be more difficult than he'd anticipated.

"I don't wanna go." His voice was heavy with sleepiness and dread. Perry rolled his eyes at the whining and pulled the other man up.

"If you don't come back today, Kelso will fire you. He will fire you. "The older man stated matter-of-factly as he pulled JD into his arms." It's been over a month. You need to try to get back into your routine. "

JD moaned and stood, his shaky, morning legs threatening to give out and send him crashing to the carpet. He swallowed back vomit as he grabbed an outfit and headed toward the bathroom.

He felt exactly the way he'd felt on his very first day as an intern at Sacred Heart.

Perry sensed the turmoil and followed JD into the bathroom. The younger man hadn't locked the door, so Perry got a pleasant eyeful of JD booty.

"Nice."

JD spun around, grabbed a towel and unsuccessfully tried to hide his nudity. His cheeks were flooded red with humiliation.

"I've seen you naked, Ferdinand."

JD pushed him out of the room and locked it.

"I only came in there to tell you that you're going to be fine. If anybody gives you trouble today, I'll kick their ass. "

He heard a loud scowl from the bathroom, which he chose to ignore.

JD stepped into the warm shower, grinning.

_He's so cute when he's all concerned. _

Perry prepared breakfast, also grinning.

_Newbie's butt is so...round._

They met in the kitchen several minutes later. A hot pink towel hung from JD's wet hair.

"And you complain about the girl's names..." Perry shook his head and handed JD a plate. It had a smiley face pancake and 4 strips of bacon.

"I'm not the one wearing an apron, Per. "JD grinned as he kissed his man on the cheek, tugging on the white cloth that hung from Perry's neck.

Perry growled and tried to salvage his masculinity by yanking off the offending object.

"Too late. I already saw it. "

"Can it, Hannah."

"You've used Hannah like 20 times already."

"You're pushing it, Jonah."

"Jonah is unisex." JD giggled and stared down at his plate, avoiding the death glare that he was getting from Perry.

"So are you."

**Alright, I promised a sequel, here it is. It will be semi long, so hang in there. There will be angst and whatnot, so don't read this if you don't like angst. And you probably shouldn't read this if you didn't read My Trust Issues. Just a suggestion.)**

**HAZEL**


	2. The Scars Remind Me

**Disclaimer: I am the owner of an Acer laptop and a pink moped. But I don't own scrubs...Or John McGinley and his sexy bod...sighs**

The drive to the hospital was tense. JD tapped his fingers loudly on the dashboard and Perry gritted his teeth at the incessant tapping.

" Newbie, calm down. "

" I am calm. I'm great. " JD gulped and tried to steady his rapid heart.

" Then stop tapping. "

JD nodded and moved his fingers from the dashboard to his mouth. He chewed on his nails until they pulled into the parking lot.

" If you don't stop biting your fingers, I will chop them off. " Perry warned as he climbed out of the Porsche. JD made no attempt to exit the care. Perry noted that JD's face was a ghostly white, and his hands were trembling.

Perry sat back down and sighed.

" I've been a jackass. "

JD shook his head and leaned his head back against the headrest. " I'm just a little nervous. I haven't seen anybody in almost a month. They are going to wonder why I haven't called, and they're gonna want to talk about...everything. I don't want to talk about anything. "

" You don't have to. "

" I know, but I feel like I'm letting them down if I don't talk. " JD closed his eyes. His bottom lip was quivering uncontrollably.

" They are letting you down if they push you to talk. " Perry rubbed JD's back with the palm of his hand. " Let's go in. You can page me if you need to. You think you can do this? "

JD nodded and stepped out of the car. He knew it was rare for Perry to be so gentle, so he decided to not make things difficult for his boyfriend.

When he cringed at the cold air, Perry pulled him close and they walked toward the hospital, hip to hip.

" In here, Newbie, I'm Doctor Cox. Not Perry or Per, or any of your other, ridiculous nicknames. "

" Or Pewwy. " JD snorted.

" Especially _no_-_hot_ that. "

JD laughed and felt himself calm down a bit. The older man could always calm him.

Perry stopped right in front of the door and turned to face JD. In one quick motion, he pulled the younger man into a kiss and slipped something into his pocket.

" Relax. "

With that, Perry ascended into the hospital, leaving JD alone in the cold.

_What was that about? _

JD stuck his hand into his pocket and pulled out a piece of candy. Grinning from ear to ear, he popped it in his mouth and strolled into the giant building.

The familiarity of the hospital was both comforting and haunting. He'd spent the good part of a month in one of those rooms. It was a place filled with the memories of suicide attempts and depression. On the other hand, it was where Perry and JD had their first kiss, where they'd first said they loved one another. Sacred Heart had it's ups and downs for him.

Mostly downs.

JD clenched his teeth and tried to ignore all of the staring faces turned his way when he walked in.

There was Nurse Roberts, whispering something to one of the other nurses. Kelso, who nodded at him and turned to head to his office. Janitor, who offered him a gentle smile before he resumed his mopping. Then there was the rest of the staff, who was either whispering or staring or trying to avoid eye contact all together.

_They all know. They all know that I was raped. They all know about the HIV. I think I'm gonna puke._

JD hid his face as walked furthur into the building. He passed by his group of friends chatting by the Nurse's Station. They suddenly hushed as he walked by. He had his hood up and quickened his pace, feeling the awkward tension that was there. He hadn't spoken to any of them since they'd found out about his HIV.

The halls seemed to bustle much less when he turned into them. Yet every sound was amplified through his ears. He felt as if he were suffocating. The walls became blurs as he practically ran over to the Men's locker room, throwing the door open and falling in.

It was full of guys, half-naked, all naked, partially naked. They all stared at him as he walked in. Even the Todd was lost at what to say.

JD closed his eyes and sunk furthur into his hood. He quick-walked toward his locker and grabbed out clean scrubs, before leaving the change room. Discretely, he slipped into the men's bathroom.

He wouldn't change in the locker room. The thought of being naked in front of those men made him quiver. He's be exposed. They's see all of his scars. The thought increased his nausea.

In the bathroom, as he leaned down to check of the rest of the stalls were empty, his stomach jumped and the bile rose in his throat. Pushing as hard as he could, he slammed one of the stall doors into the wall and ran in, just in time to deposit his breakfast into the toilet.

He lay on the ground for several minutes, his face unpleasantly warm and his stomach churning.

" You okay? "

JD froze at the voice. It was coming from the stall next to his.

" I'm fine. " He'd meant to sound much more confidant and enthusiastic, but his tone was miserable.

The stall next to his opened and it's occupant peeked his head out.

It was none other than the janitor.

_Just my luck._

" Scooter?! " Janitor's voice was almost panicky. He looked around the bathroom, then back at the sick man. " I'll go get somebody. "

" No! I'm fine! " JD struggled up from the floor and wiped his mouth with his sleeve. " I didn't get any on the floor, so you don't have to clean anything up. This isn't a big deal. "

JD's shaky legs were threatening to betray him any second.

" Are-are you sure? " The Janitor's voice scared JD. Not in the usual way, either. His voice was soft and...kind.

" Yeah, I'm fine. Thank you. " JD smiled at the other man and picked his clean scrubs up off of the floor. " I have to get dressed. "

Janitor nodded and tried to regain his composure. He was shaking pretty badly.

JD pushed his stall shut and locked it behind him. Peeling off his clothes, he tried to shake his embarassment. He hated being so vulnerable, especially in front of his enemy.

With his street clothes off and on the floor, JD examined his body. The scars were still huge, and would be probably still be noticable for the rest of his adult life. The cuts on his hip were barely starting to scar, and JD ran his fingers across them.

He'd done that to himself.

He was in a hospital full of sharp, shiny things. He could do it again if he really wanted to.

If he needed to.

The thought was stimulating. He could make it through the day so much easier if he did it.

_But what about Perry..._

JD sighed and pulled his scrubs on. He could do it somewhere that Perry wouldn't see. It wasn't like they were having sex, and as long as JD locked the door before he jumped in the shower, everything would be fine.

But cutting risked infection, and with his weakening immune system...

It probably wasn't the best idea.

He could do it as long as he needed to, then he'd stop when things got better.

They had to get better eventually, right?

**Okay, so that's chapter two. This story will not have any long chapters. It will have many short chapters, and it will be fairly long. I promise. ) Thanks you for anybody who reviewed the last chapter, and anybody who will review ever. ) As you can see, the angst is showing it's face. Yay.)**

**HAZEL**


	3. Silver and Gold

**Here is chapter 3! Yay. By the way, for anybody who gives a crap, I am writing a new fic! It's called My Innocent Bystander. It is named after a song that I wrote. ) Anyways, I already have up to chapter 5 written on it, and I can tell it's gonna be pretty long. )**

**Hope you enjoy this chapter!!**

JD walked down that hallway to the Nurses Station and took in a deep breath. He needed his charts. He could just grab his charts and ignore all of the nurses. It wouldn't be that hard.

He practically ran over, fumbled through the charts, picked his up and abruptly turned around. Just being in such a populated area made his heart rate rapid. He hadn't fully realized that the only person he was even comfortable to have in his vicinity was Perry.

Carla was standing at the Nurses Station. They saw each other and froze.

JD tried to keep all of his charts balanced in his hands, but failed and helplessly watched them crash to the floor. Carla walked over to help him pick them up, and noticed that the doctor's eyes looked red and watery.

He wasn't moving to pick up his charts, he wasn't doing anything. JD just stood and stared down at the pile on the ground. Slowly, Carla leaned forward and collected the clipboards.

"There you go, Bambi." She said softly as she neatly piled the charts in JD's open arms.

"Thank you." He choked out as he tried to walk away. Carla wondered if JD was still angry at her for what she'd done while he was in the hospital. She knew she couldn't let him walk off without knowing. Gently grabbed his arm and turned him around. She took the charts out of his hand before pulling him into a tight hug.

JD didn't know what to do at first. He's missed Carla, and admired her moxy, but was he really ready to let his anger go.

He was.

JD whimpered and fell into the embrace. People watched curiously as JD and Carla held each other in the middle of the hallway.

"I've missed you, Bambi."

JD mumbled something incoherently and Carla felt his tears soaking through her scrubs. She rubbed his back with her hand and snuggled closer.

He sniffled before slowly pulling away.

"How've you been, Bambi?"

JD opened his mouth to respond, but couldn't find the proper words to describe how he was doing.

"You don't have to answer. If you aren't ready to talk, it's okay. "

He smiled at her softly. "Thank you. I have to go take care of my patients, so I'll see you later. "

JD grabbed his pile of charts and offered Carla a slight wave before bouncing off toward his first patient of the day. Things really seemed like they were looking up for him.

His patient was a 45 year old, male with chest pains. Easy enough, right?

"Hello, Mr. Garcia." JD smiled softly, though his heart was racing in his chest. He hadn't dealt with a patient in a really long time. "I'm Dr. Dorian. I'll be taking care of you. "

The man in the bed cringed when he heard JD's name. Mr. Garcia stiffened up and clenched his jaw.

"You're that doctor with AIDS. I heard about you when I came in. "Mr. Garcia remarked, his thick accent making him hard to understand." I don't want no doctor with AIDs. "

JD stood in the doorway, his jaw dropped down in shock. He hadn't really prepared for any of his patients knowing about his problem.

"I want a new doctor."

He stared at the man. Mr. Garcia was short, fat, and balding. Yet to JD, he seemed dangerous and intimidating.

JD didn't know what to say. He didn't know what to do.

Instead of choking out several, squeaky words and most likely bursting into tears, JD nodded and left the room.

"Bambi?"

"Not now." He gasped out.

He stumbled over to the staff lounge and collapsed on one of the couches. All of the air seemed to leave the room as he gasped for breath and tried to calm his heart.

"JD?" Elliot's voice broke the eerie silence of the room as she rushed over to her friend's side. "Are you okay?"

_I'd be better if you didn't shriek in my ear, _He thought.

"Yeah, I'm fine, Elliot." He replied breathily. "Would you mind taking one of my patients?"

She nodded and took the chart out of his hand. "Mr. Garcia?"

"Yeah..." JD voice broke a little bit and he sat up from his place on the couch.

"Why don't you want him anymore?" Elliot nearly whispered.

JD looked shamefully at his toes. "He said that he doesn't want a doctor like me."

"Gay?"

JD grinned at that. Elliot was so oddly innocent.

"No, he doesn't want a doctor with AIDS."

Elliot's mouth made an 'O' shape and she plopped down on the couch. "Want me to miss the vein a couple of times?"

"That'd be nice."

The two of them laughed.

"Listen, I'm sorry that I didn't try to visit you. Turk said that you needed some space. "

"It's okay. I did need some time. "

Elliot nodded.

"I guess I'd better go deal with Mr. Garcia, huh? " She walked toward the door. "Talk to you later?"

"Yeah."

JD felt like things may be looking up. He was sure that most of his patients would understand.

He hoped.


End file.
